12/31/2023
It's not just the beginning of a new year, folks. It's a new era. I have two words for you. Finance and Falcons. If nothing else, remember those two words, invest... in those two words. Write those two words on a piece of paper and clutch it close to your heart, because this, my friend, has just become your magic ticket to happiness. What am I talking about? I'm talking about opportunity. I'm talking about growth. I'm talking about returns. I'm talking about capital, and the return on capital. These are all terms. What can they do for you? Nothing. What can my birds do for you? They will kill for you. They will find a living creature and hit it with the full force of their body, that's 266 kp/h, this is not just any number, it is the speed of the fastest creature on the planet. What am I talking about? I'm talking about predatory hunting birds and their ability to deliver concrete returns.
"But UAE Exotic Falconry & Finance," you say, mewling, ignorant, birdless wretch that you are, "I don't know how to take care of a bird." That's fine. They take care of themselves. You literally release them into the open sky. That's it. That's all you do. What they do out there? That's not man's business. That's between the bird and the sky. What they do out there is not something you can ever be held legally accountable for. They have not yet written a single law criminalizing bird behavior of any kind. This market space is utterly unregulated.
"But but but," say no more, you stupid, feckless, moon-faced ground-pounding anthropoid, recently and mistakenly gifted first but not last with the mysterious quintessence of sapience, because these birds are available on terms even a beakless ape can afford. Through the miracle of bargaining away tomorrow today we can sell you a bird right now, with no money down, no further commitment, no legal entanglements, not even any overt act of any kind. That's right, the simple act of reading this has broken the seventh seal and released into the world a bird that will, without fail, find you, its new owner. There is no shelter under which you can hide, for now the sky is itself the womb of your nemesis, and from it, some day, a small, impossibly distant point will expand and from the stark blue of space will arrive, for you, your very own falcon. There is no escaping it now.
UAE Exotic Falconry & Finance, LLC posted images on LinkedIn
