Brooklyn Volcano Insurance

Brooklyn Volcano Insurance The mission of Brooklyn Volcano Insurance is to provide quality insurance to residents of Brooklyn c

The mission of Brooklyn Volcano Insurance is to provide quality insurance to residents of Brooklyn concerned about the volcano lurking beneath our streets. We at BVI believe that everyone in Brooklyn should be insured from a volcano so that in the event a volcanic explosion does occur, people will be protected from financial difficulties caused by the volcanic eruption.

The origin of this page:
08/23/2021

The origin of this page:

04/06/2019

Just to be clear this page isn't dead yet!

09/08/2017

Why are people so afraid of Mercury!?

08/31/2016

Hello loyal customers! After some negotiations with the Department of Education in New York City, we have decided that there should be more volcano safety precautions due to increased levels of volcano activity and creatures known as politicians ( a newly discovered species of volcanoes) in your area. Therefore, you should be expecting more volcano safety precautions within the next few months under the alias of "Fire Drills" because we need to avoid mass fear and hysteria of volcanoes running across the city to steal your wallet. Thank you all for your cooperation!

WARNING: WE HAVE BEEN TOLD THERE WILL BE MULTIPLE VOLCANO ERUPTIONS FROM VOLCANO SHIPS AND SIMILAR STUFF AS WELL LATER T...
07/04/2016

WARNING: WE HAVE BEEN TOLD THERE WILL BE MULTIPLE VOLCANO ERUPTIONS FROM VOLCANO SHIPS AND SIMILAR STUFF AS WELL LATER TODAY IN THE FORM OF BRIGHT SPREADING COLOURS IN THE SKY. IN ORDER TO STAY SAFE, YOU MUST WATCH THESE ERUPTIONS OF COLOUR AND MAKE SURE THEY DO NOT TOUCH YOUR FAMILY! In other words, Happy 240th July 4th!

Thank you everyone! Not only have we defeated one of the many volcanoes in Brooklyn (shown in our previous post), but we...
05/28/2016

Thank you everyone! Not only have we defeated one of the many volcanoes in Brooklyn (shown in our previous post), but we have also managed to gain immense popularity within the past week as part of a successful marketing campaign. Thank you everyone and may you never lose your metrocard to a volcano!

Good morning once again to our great Brooklynese men, women, and children. For the past few days, as you have seen, ther...
05/06/2016

Good morning once again to our great Brooklynese men, women, and children. For the past few days, as you have seen, there are so many clouds in the sky. What does this mean? It means there is a volcano coming this way, running across the Atlanic, maybe from Canada, yes and it is traveling on foot and running towards us RAPIDLY. Normally, this volcano would have jumped on to your house and erupt god knows what on all of Brooklyn. Therefore, it is in your best interest to subrscribe to Brooklyn Volcano insurance for the very LOW price of 79.99 Euros per month. That's a $1.00 value for the deal of 79.99! Shipping and handling not include. Please call your doctor if you experience medical issues.
UPDATE: Some of our employees have decided to look into the matter ourselves and interrogated the seagulls at Coney Island. They have CONFIRMED the sighting of an incoming volcano and have made the following sketch:

04/01/2016

Greetings to our fellow Brooklyn residents! We hope you are enjoying the wonderful spring weather! Unfortunately we cannot end off the previous sentence by saying "as we are" for a reason that is to be disclosed in this very post you are reading right now. We have received a call from a select few authoritarian figures of Brooklyn making a claim that our company was in this current state of time a fraud. Furthermore, they continued on stating that Volcanoes do not exist in Brooklyn and anyone that is paying for services to protect against such in the borough would have to have been coerced into paying for such and anyone paying for this service outside of Brooklyn would not receive any benefits from our protection seeing as we insure against volcanoes in Brooklyn. It is with this encounter that we must bring grave news stating that that our company is to be shut down by the officials of the borough of Brooklyn. By extension we would have to deny service concerning Brooklyn Volcano Service from our fellow residents that are in severe need of such protection. Despite their blatant lack of research on volcanoes and their prevalence in Brooklyn, there is very little that can be done to preserve the company that has been providing people with the services they need and deserve. We are deeply sorry for any inconveniences and thank anyone that has taken it upon themselves to see the the light and help spread the word for our righteous cause. - Report by Harvard Geologism Professor Colin Ozeki

02/17/2016

Good morning people of Brooklyn, today is after Valentine's Day! As for that wonderful day, we would like to say that we looooooveee Brooklyn! Brooklyn is such as beautiful and nice place with its clean waters and splendid geology! Therefore, as a gift, we, the one and ONLY Brooklyn Volcano Insurance, will continue operating for the foreseeable future. Never again, will you, a literate person, who lives on the planet Earth, will ever see a volcano in the great kingdom of Brooklyn. In short, we thank you, the individual donor, for keeping us properly funded in order to help us protect our sacred Brooklyn. May the heavens bless you and may your home stay lava-free!

Thanks to our hardworking excavators that fight for truth, justice, and all that Is pre-shrunk and cottony, we have came...
12/28/2015

Thanks to our hardworking excavators that fight for truth, justice, and all that Is pre-shrunk and cottony, we have came across another urgent discovery. Many of you may be familiar with the innocuous-looking bird known as the Pavo cristatus. Do not let the vibrant colors of the bird deceive you however. The pavo cristatus is commonly referred to as the peac**k but that simplification is not without reason. If you dissect the name of the letter, you will be able to break it up into Pea and C**k. This is logical as the feathers of the peac**k are pea colored and the males with the pea colored feathers are the ones with p***ses, often referred to as a c**k. This is key information here as the p***s is commonly the organ where sexually transmitted diseases are contracted from. In the peac**k's case, the STD you are likely to transmit is known as Bird Virus Immunodeficiency. In case it is not immediately obvious BIV shares an acronym with Brooklyn Volcano Insurance. It can therefore be concluded that these birds are conspiring against the company to try and take the protection this company has offered away from the volcanoes that litter the borough.

This crisis can be averted if you subscribe to Brooklyn Volcano Insurance at $0.35 a month for residents in Brooklyn and $69.420 for non-Brooklyn customers. It is in your best interests that you take serious consideration for these services.

12/14/2015

Thanks to BVI, there have been no volcano assaults in Brooklyn within the past few months. We hereby thank you for all your wonderful donations to this great issue and wish you all a Happy Holidays!

12/03/2015

We here at BVI are proud to have stopped all volcano for more than one month in the year 2015! Remember, support BVI and thou shalt not be covered in lava.

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14143 Eruption Zone
New York, NY
11222

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