09/03/2026
Pay Attention to the Modulations in Your Pain
Some days, loneliness feels like a 10.
Other days, maybe it’s a 3.
It can seem like the 10 is the truth and the 3 was just a temporary distraction.
But what if it’s the other way around?
When pain is at its loudest, it becomes difficult to remember that only yesterday—or perhaps even an hour ago—we were okay. The mind begins telling us, “This is how it is. This is how it’s going to be.”
Is it?
Then one day something happens that almost goes unnoticed.
You realize you went an entire hour without thinking about that person.
What would happen if, instead of dismissing that hour, you paid attention to it?
That hour is evidence.
The pain moved.
Maybe it went from a 10 to an 8. Maybe from an 8 to a 3. For a little while, maybe it disappeared altogether.
What does that tell you?
Perhaps the goal isn't to convince yourself that you shouldn't hurt.
Perhaps it's simply to recognize that the hurt isn't always the same.
And when it reaches a 10, try stepping outside yourself for just a moment.
When the difficult moments come, try creating a little distance from the pain. Imagine someone you care about were feeling exactly what you are feeling. What would you say to them?
Then use your own name and offer yourself that same compassion.
Notice how differently you speak to yourself when you're talking to yourself rather than at yourself.
Pain is a sensation. Sensations rise, fall, intensify and soften.
The 10 deserves compassion.
But it doesn't get to convince you that there will never be another 3.
Written by: Rachel Olea-Lizarraga
Inspired by Matthew Hussey, “The Tools,” (Matthew Hussey, Love life)
Photo by Anubhav M on Unsplash
