08/29/2026
Your marriage is one of three things right now. Toxic, codependent, or actually working. There is no fourth option.
It comes down to two kinds of people. Powerful and powerless.
A powerless person needs their spouse to change so they can feel okay. Their peace depends on somebody else’s mood. Their confidence depends on somebody else’s words. Their happiness depends on somebody else’s behavior. They bring a half person to the marriage and wait to be completed.
A powerful person owns their own heart. Their own reactions. Their own healing. Nobody has to fix them for them to be alright. They bring a whole person to the marriage.
Now put those two types together and you get three combinations.
Two powerless people equals toxic. Both waiting to be filled up. Both blaming. Both drowning. If this is you, home feels like a battlefield. Every conversation turns into a fight. Every issue becomes about who hurt who first.
One powerful and one powerless equals codependent. One person carries the weight. The other leans on them for everything. If this is you, one of you feels exhausted and the other feels smothered. One is always giving. One is always taking. And resentment is growing on both sides.
Two powerful people equals a real marriage. Two whole people choosing each other on purpose. This is what God designed. This is what actually works.
Which one are you living in right now? Be honest with yourself. Then take the assessment and find out where to start.
https://resetmarriage.com/marriage-growth-identifier-page
Dr Richard Martinez
Marriage Rebuilt