04/01/2026
🎉 BREAKING NEWS: We Finally Did It.
After years of research, countless meetings, and at least three pots of coffee a day…
we’ve discovered the one solution EVERYONE can agree on:
Absolutely. Free. Insurance. Policies.
Zero premiums. Zero deductibles. Zero stress.
Just sign here, here, here, here, and—
…okay, maybe one more signature…
and boom, you’re covered for life.
Your car? Free.
Your home? Free.
Your pet iguana? Also free.
We even threw in free roadside assistance for emotional breakdowns.
..APRIL FOOLS!
As much as we’d love to hand out free policies, real protection still matters — and that part isn’t a joke.