09/03/2026
šļø DAY 3 ā āJUST LET ME GO.ā
After being told I was cancer-free, I went back to school and started trying to rebuild a normal life. My doctors were still monitoring spots in my lungs, though, and when several on my left lung continued to grow, I had a thoracotomy to remove and biopsy them.
I recovered, returned to school, and scheduled surgery on my right lung for the first day of spring break.
I was 20 years old, planning lung surgery while other college students were planning spring break.
The day before surgery, I had a scan to see how my left lung was healing.
The next morning, I drove myself to the hospital. I checked in, changed into the gown, got hooked up and was completely prepared for surgery.
Then the doctor walked in.
āI canāt operate.ā
The scan showed that the spots they had just removed from my left lung were already backāand bigger than before.
Thatās when I learned they were cancer.
My osteosarcoma had spread to my lungs and was growing rapidly and aggressively.
I broke.
Through tears, I told my parents:
āJust let me go. I donāt want to do this anymore.ā
It wasnāt that I wanted to die. I was exhausted from fighting. I wanted whatever life I had left to be somewhere other than a hospitalānot another IV, surgery, round of chemo or recovery.
Then I looked at my parents.
My mom was devastated.
And my dad was crying.
I hardly ever saw my dad cry.
Even the nurses who walked into the room quietly turned around when they saw us. For about 30 minutes, the three of us just sat there and cried.
Then something inside me changed.
I looked at my parents, hit my fist into my hand and said:
āWhat do we gotta do to beat this?ā
Thirty minutes earlier, I was ready to stop fighting.
Now I was ready to fight again.
They unhooked me and I walked out of the hospital.
I had driven there expecting surgery.
I drove home knowing I had cancer again.
What came next would mean more chemo, another thoracotomy, more hospital rooms and a fight harder than I could have imagined.
But in that room, after one of the only times I truly wanted to give up, I made a decision:
Iām not done yet. šļø
Tomorrow: the fight begins again.