27/06/2023
Last night in our class, I learned about my attachment style.
I was ANXIOUS PREOCCUPIED.
It helps to know as it speaks volumes to why I was dealing with a repetitive pattern of behavior.
My mother also shares the same attachment. It's not genetics. This theory explains that our primary caregiver (in my case, my mother) influences us with their attachment styles.
This attachment style stems from inconsistent parenting; my mom also experiences the same with my grandparents.
Her parents' separation and her paternal grandparents' control significantly affected her. I often hear her stories growing up. She's not ashamed of letting me see her childhood world. She always tells me her frustrations as a child and even as an adult.
As early as 5 years old, I became her counselor. Somehow I became her parent by providing her a safe space and meeting her emotional needs. And it drained me as a child (I'll talk about it in a different post as this is my mom's story).
I'm a witness how preoccupied she was tending to her childhood wound and unstable marriage with my dad. But she is a good mom. She did all she could to look after me and my brother's needs. It's just that she, too, suffered from my grandparents' immaturity and erratic choices.
I am not here to give advice on marriage, but from a perspective of a broken child (and adult), anyone needs to heal their childhood wounds before entering a relationship. Let's not pass the wounds to our partner and to our kids.
I'm glad that I'm breaking unwanted generational patterns in our family. It's not easy, but I know it will be worth it. I hope everyone will be aware of this and have access to the help I'm currently getting.
My healing journey is dedicated to my mama, who has been a resident of heaven for 8 yrs already. I promise I will be your better version to give a secure attachment to your future grandchildren. ❤️✨