08/28/2026
The thing I wasn't proud of
Something that's really helped me, both in my marriage and in how my wife and I run our household, is understanding one idea. Guys especially tend to struggle to grasp it, and it turns out to be hugely valuable in business too.
This isn't something I'm proud to share, but it makes the point.
My wife and I used to argue about this a lot, especially after our first child. She was constantly having to remind me to help with the household chores. I'll admit it: I was happy to let our home slide into chaos and only did the necessary tasks when they were absolutely unavoidable.
Eventually, she convinced me I was being lazy and needed to actually contribute in our shared household. But even then, I'd only do things when she asked. So she explained something that landed: if she had to keep asking me, she'd rather just do it herself, because that felt easier, and she'd end up resentful about it.
That's when it finally clicked. There's more to a task than the work itself. It's called the mental load.
The way I understand it, there are three parts to getting something done:
1. Doing the task (and figuring out how to do it)
2. Remembering it, or reminding someone else to do it
3. Owning the task / result
So even though I was doing the work, roughly two-thirds of it was still on my wife. No wonder she was stretched thin.
We've gotten a lot better at working together since. She still does more than me, honestly, but there are areas I fully own now: putting our older kid to bed, cleaning up the kitchen every night. Not "helping with" them. Owning them.
Why this matters if you run a business
Here's where it connects. A lot of business owners carry the full mental load of their business and dread hiring, because they worry nobody will do it as well as they would.
I think there's a quieter fear underneath that: that they'll have to constantly remind the new person and check their work.
The unlock is delegating both the work and the mental load. In some cases, it even means asking your employee to carry some of your mental load by reminding you.
Take this newsletter. I've told my assistant it needs to go out each week, and she owns that: preparing it and sending it. To do that, she needs the written piece from me, so it's her job to remind me if I haven't handed it over by Thursday. That makes us far more consistent than if I were on the hook for both writing it and remembering to send it. And that's just one of many things in our business we've set up this way.
The takeaway
If you're hesitating to hire your first employee, or wondering why hiring someone hasn't given you back any time or energy, this might be the thing to look at.
And if you nail this in your business but you're basically the world's worst employee at home, the one who needs constant reminding and doesn't own a single thing, well. That might be worth a little self-reflection too. (I say this as a reformed offender.)
