12/06/2026
What I love about holding space for people navigating break-ups, separation, and divorce is hearing what they take away from the experience.
It is often different to what I expect.
And it reminds me both how unique every person's journey is and how far I have come on my own.
During the introductory masterclass to Breaking the Cycles of Conflict in Separation this week, one participant reflected on two things:
• How impactful it was to witness me openly acknowledge that I was speaking quickly because I was nervous and that I was going to pause and slow down.
• How their biggest takeaway was the power of the pause before difficult conversations, not just in relationships, but in work settings too.
Their reflections reminded me of two powerful things.
Firstly, vulnerability matters.
I did not consciously decide to be vulnerable about feeling nervous. It is simply a way of being that has become more natural over time.
Years ago, I would have hidden my nervousness and pushed through. I would have continued speaking quickly, disconnected from myself, and that opportunity for modelling through authenticity would have been lost.
Secondly, the pause is a skill.
It is not something I have always had.
Learning to pause, regulate, and consciously choose my response rather than react automatically has taken years of practice.
And whilst it is now a skill I rely on heavily in my work, it is still one I continue to develop in my closest relationships.
And this brings me to an important reminder to all those working towards breaking cycles in conflict and in the way they communicate.....
It is not an overnight thing.
It takes time.
It takes practice .
It takes patience and compassion.
But with intention, awareness, the right tools and support, it is possible - even in separation!
