The Investments Platform Zimbabwe

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04/09/2012

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

04/09/2012

Mukadzi waChinoz aigara achichema chema nenyaya yeruzha yembwa yepanext door pavo ichihukura saka rimwe zuva yakati iripakati pekuhukura
Chinoz dzakabva dzabuda panze ndokudzoka after 2minutes asi ruzha rwakanga rawedzera mukadzi wake ndokubvunza kuti mavaudza here nekuti yakutonyanyisa

zvikanzi naChinoz imbwa yacho ndaitora ndikaiisa muyard medu kuti vambonzwawo kuti zvinobhowa sei...

04/09/2012

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

01/06/2012

if you dont love yoself, who do yu expect 2 love ya. wangakuti wakashata kana kuti uribe chimiro, chingozvi lover iwe coz there is and can never be any one like ya. take a good look at yoself in the mirrow and yu will se what i meen

17/03/2012

A young mosquito went out flying for the first time in its life. When it came back, the father asked, how was it out there and how did you feel. The young mosquito replied, it was great daddy and every1 was clapping hands for me. The father replied ,no one was clapping hands for you. Everyone wanted to kill you. The more they clapped the more chances you were going to die.

Lesson : In life not all the people who get close to you want to lift you up. Others will be plotting your downfall.(true, have learn t that but thanx be to God.)

17/03/2012

A woman came late 1 nyt & when she opened th bedroom she saw four legs stiking out frm under th covers of th bed. She grabbed a criket bat & started hitting them as hard as she could, leaving the two pple screaming for help, broken ankes & all. She then went to the kitchen to get an axe. As she turned on the light she saw her husband sitting at the table listening to the music on his headphones. "Hi, darling," he said. "Your parents came to visit so I let them sleep in our room."(THANX MHANDU)

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