20/08/2026
🚫🤖 FORTRESS LOANS OFFICIAL BOT POLICY 🤖🚫
Look, we tried the robot thing. We really did.
But our bots kept getting wasted on industrial lubricant 🛢️🥴, tweeting conspiracy theories about printers, and trying to “delete” our HR lady.
So now? ZERO BOTS. ZERO CHATBOTS. ZERO “PRESS 1 FOR NOTHING.”
When you talk to us – you get a REAL human.
One who showers. One who has feelings. One who will actually laugh at your bad credit jokes (then help you fix ’em).
We promise:
✅ No canned responses
✅ No “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that”
✅ Just actual meatbags who know loans and dad jokes
WATCH THE VIDEO 👇 – that’s our last robot, Steve, doing the worm while screaming about binary. We had to pull the plug. Literally.
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📞 CALL US – a person picks up.
💬 MESSAGE US – a person types back.
(Unless it’s 3 AM – then it’s Gary from accounting, but he’s still human… mostly.)
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Drop us a message or call NOW – let’s get your loan sorted with zero robot shenanigans. 🏰💸